It appears I’ve been remiss

Well, damn! Have I really been off since Valentine’s Day? Sigh. Guess so.

Well, I guess there have been some extenuating circumstances. We’ve been rushing around a bunch, getting the kids focused and motivated. Not to mention getting myself ready for surgery (which has since taken place, but the prep was a huge pain.) (The amount of laundry and grocery shopping alone was pretty daunting. I wanted to make sure the Esteemed Spouse could find what was necessary without having to look too hard.)

Before I forget, here’s  the revised appandage:

So, yeah, I’ve been busy, but not so busy that I haven’t been paying attention.

Now is the hard part: rehab. I am not the most patient person. I don’t really mind pain too much, but I have trouble coping when there is not visible progress, and I frequently expect too much of myself. (If you were to ask my eldest, she’d probably say I expect too much from her, as well.)

I am finding it a big challenge to remain somewhat positive in the face of reduced  mobility and increased discomfort. I am so darned crabby, and that frustrates me, too. We have in this culture a model for women bearing their troubles with fortitude and grace, for bearing up uncomplainingly. I apparently have bought into this, because I am feeling so guilty for not being able to spring back into the fray, physically and emotionally.

I just don’t wanna. I want everybody to leave me alone, except for when they are anticipating my needs and magically making everything better. I realize this is unreasonable. That doesn’t change the fact of what’s going on inside, though.

I hope soon to be off the pity stool. I’m sure it won’t be long.  Bear with me.

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About elsmama

I am prone to speaking before having engaged my brain. This has caused some strife, and much laughter.
This entry was posted in Making it up as I go along. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to It appears I’ve been remiss

  1. BH says:

    I completely understand. This is my reality, too, and I’m right behind you on the surgery train. I’m one of those people who wants to make it better for you, BTW. When can I bring something by?

    I think women just don’t complain because we’ve been taught to learn to suffer silently. In a way, we have to. Think about menstruating and pregnancy. There’s a lot of suffering that goes into both, and we just have to suck it up and keep going. Jobs need doing. We’re literally bleeding, and we still have to keep making it happen. So, our experience of the world is skewed. Men don’t shed blood monthly and ache every 28 days. So, when we are bleeding and hurting in other places, well, we often just shrug and carry on. It’s not like we haven’t seen this before. We do this all the time, right? Isn’t it normal to hurt and bleed and ache in deeply personal places? Learning to separate the healthy bleeding and normal aches from the “others” is…well…serious business. And, I don’t like asking for help either. I want a magic wand, too.

  2. elsmama says:

    If I find one, I’ll share it with you. I promise.

    I am getting around pretty well this week, but if you would like to stop by some morning for a chat, I am up and around by 9:00 or so. I don’t have much around for entertaining, and Esteemed Spouse and the kids have been in charge of housework, but you are more than welcome if you want to bring me some company, which is something I seem to need a bit of. (Read that as : Please come over and rescue me from my head!)

    Call me!

  3. BH says:

    I’m so glad that you’re getting better!!!!!! Yes, I should call you….Hmmmm….I wonder….could I stop by tomorrow?

  4. elsmama says:

    Of course! You’re more than welcome. Just give me a shout when you’re on your way.

  5. BH says:

    I hope everything is okay in your world. I miss your voice! xoxo

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